Open Heart Surgery

I've got my first heartbreak before when I was in high school. I was innocent, I was shy. Too timid and reserve, I'm not used to opening my naive heart to anyone except for new friends. Until, unexpectedly the silliest boy in the class armored with scissors cut straight my heart when he heard that I had feelings for him. I secretly hope that he felt the same way too but I was so wrong to let my hopes that high because it was the reason that my too naive heart had been ripped to pieces. As days go by, I got drowned deeper and deeper into love potion for this boy. And the cuts from the scissors just get worst. Until we part ways, graduation day.

Fast forward from 8 years ago, graduated from college and heartache. The (not so naïve) heart  that I knew regenerated into a matured, strong-willed adult who learned the lesson kept-and-buried inside those wounds of the naïve heart before. Since, I always know I got myself back. Knowing and keeping myself distant, memorializing the cuts and rips I got 8 years ago I managed to be mature --to reserve myself for the right one.

Yet, I've been tricked into opening up my heart for someone AGAIN. I've been very reserve this time and hoping that the time is now right. I did everything that would make him happy but in the end I was unappreciated, in spite of everything. And then again, this heart got scratched but this time it isn't too deep, I can just put antibiotic on it to heal.

Hence, another lesson. As days pass, I realized that he doesn't deserve me. He's a selfish, immature, insensitive guy, who only knows me when he has nothing and no one. NOT anymore selfish brat, I’m wide awake to let you use me.

I pray that this time I could take EXTRA care of my heart.

PS. Where are you my Ethan? (Everyday, I love you)
The one who will let me heal first and help me take care of my heart.